Letter to the Editor
Chainsaw rights
Published Monday, August 11, 2008
Digg
delicious
Facebook
Mixx
Reddit
Stumble It!Aug. 6, 2008
To the editor:
So Vince Howard thinks he has the right to shoot chainsaws without due process of law? Who appointed him judge, jury and executioner?
How about the chainsaws? They have rights, too.
Anyone who has encountered chainsaws knows they have a personality, usually churlish. A personality means they are persons, just like dogs, cats, wolves and persons picked up by the CIA on suspicion.
Anyhow, that obnoxious chainsaw probably had an abusive or deprived childhood. It is more to be pitied than censured, let alone shot.
Community Discussion
Newsminer.com doesn't necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full user's agreement.
Huh???
wooow.....That was one of the MOST pointless things i have EVER read, wow!!!!!
does ANYONE get it?
Another excellent job by the DNM to print relevant editorials and Letters to the Editor that really make you think....
Really make you think who was stoned when they printed this one....
What about unborn chainsaws?
Metal ore?
what the...
It made me laugh. But then anything that pokes fun at political correctness makes me laugh.
I didn't know Karen Parr had it in her.
if you cross a chainsaw with his/her chain on backwards beware.... could be trouble!!! i wouldnt mess with it, just walk on the other side of the tree.
Well, Well Karen Parr. I think I get the jest.
By the way Karen, How about getting a hold of me?
Marlo Miller
Still in Vearcruz
alaskana@ver.megared.net.mx
Isn't she running for a public office this year?
I hope she is running for public office, she is a fine person.
She has my vote...
I think this ltte is a tongue-in-cheek response to a humorous article published last week in the news miner about how burning wood could cause financial ruin.
The writer had named his chainsaw "Marge" or something like that. He spent so much time cutting wood that his wife was jealous of Marge (or something like that).
At any rate, I thought this ltte was funny, just wish I could have found and posted a link to last week's article that it made reference to.
With all the stuff going on here and everywhere else these days, you can't have enough humor. I know I appreciate every bit of comic relief I find. Thanks, Karen.
Thanks for the laugh Karen!
Pat
stupid is, stupid does
I love my chain saw almost as much as I love my dog or my wife. Of course they have personalities. I grimace when I see people neglecting their chain saws. Come on everyone, take those saws in for tuneups and then go cut some wood. Not only is it good for your saw to get out, but it's also good for you.
The chainsaw that I used routinely in eradicating hemlock-born mistletoe (yes, it's a growth that prefers hemlocks in sun-lit areas such as old clear-cuts) during my stint in the U.S. Forest Circus,' had 'Molly Hatchet' inscribed on the chain and clutch cover. When she died, I wept. Then I threw her off a cliff, and got a new one.
After that first day in the brush, back in the gvegetation with my new tool, brought peace to the sense of loss I'd suffered.
Nothing cures the broken-hearted of the pain that comes from the loss of their saw like a shiny new saw, and the smell of freshly-mixed 2-cycle fuel. I rarely even think of that old saw anymore..
Just think of the amount of Rain Forrest that Chain Saw will never get to clear cut. Sad very sad.
I've had a fine Chainsaw for years. It has a beautiful body, soft pliable grips(handles) and a rounded bow for the chain to slide smoothly around. It is just like a good wife. Strong and steady knowing what it is supposed to do to keep me happy. Goes through a cord of wood like a wife making a fine meal with pride to spare. On a scale of 1 to 10 she is a Super XL 12.
Wished a chainsaw would run for office, a lot sharper than most of candidates.
lets write in Mr Chainsaw.
I had a chainsaw that when you put the chain on backwards and started it it would say cut the neighbors trees down, cut the neighbors trees down....
My girlfriend swears that her husband is having an affair with the DEWALT clan of tools.....lol.....thanks Karen
When I put my chain on backwards it said,"Burrrrn coal,Burrrrn Coal!"
Yea .. I get it. That is how she was on theh borough assembly too ...lol. The elected leaders ... ha.ha,ha.
Um, aframe?
Seems like the general consensus here is that chainsaws tend to be of the female gender.
So let's write in *Ms.* Chainsaw.
And yes, what a fine candidate for office she would make, too. She has an established reputation for cutting right through all the b.s., and is known for her ability to always get straight to the point. Okay, sometimes she's a little loud, but she's steady and reliable. Something we all could use a little more of, huh?
As long as she's taken care of properly.
Karen Parr, you just blew it. Your sarcasm is lost in the shuffle. Better try again!
This makes me understand why you folks don't want no outsiders in your conversations. Ya'll trippin!
what is this nonsense all about I think someone is high on something or haveing elisions!!!!!!!
Ya'll trippin?
...you can't be from KS.
elisions?
...what is that?
illusions?
My husband and the kids gave me a chain saw for Mother's Day one year. Got a new draw knife another year. Just the mention of a chain saw, brings back many fond memories to this old gal.
Free-
I knew I liked you. There is no story as touching as that of a girl and her chainsaw.
This letter is in response to a letter from Vince Howard that ran a week ago Sunday. He was responding to an article about some guy (I think in the Midwest) who was arrested for shooting his chainsaw. For some reason Mr. Howard's very funny letter was never posted on this site.
There are quieter ways to dispatch a chainsaw than shooting it, which can attract unwanted attention from the authorities. One method is to poison it by introducing sugar into its bloodstream through the gas tank. Just be careful to wear rubber gloves so as not to leave any fingerprints in case the corpse is recovered from the dumpster.
Also, for years the mafia has made a practice of setting the chainsaw's bar in cement and then sending it into a deep body of water. Cement takes awhile to dry, so just be sure to silence your saw somehow before doing this so that your neighbors won't hear its agonized screams. Once the cement bar-shoe has set, drive down to the end of South Cushman and toss the saw in the Tanana. They'll never find it.
And speaking of the mafia, rumors have long circulated that the Chainsters Union president Shimmy Koffa, who vanished without a trace many years ago, is actually buried inside one of the cement blocks that make up the Carlson Center. Koffa was known to have significant ties to the Veco Crime Family. No one has confirmed if this was his fate, and for once Bill Allen isn't talking.
I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE THATS FUNNY!
Free . . . you're a *girl* ???
I'd have never guessed. Love it !!!
someone needs to buy her a chainsaw. Maybe if she had one she wouldn't feel left out in the cold. Ha ha ha
Thanks Karen loved the laugh
This is one of the best things I've ever read on this blog! You're all hilarious!
FreeDarfur,
18 years ago, my wife sometimes complained about the sound of my saw.
I admit, it was a big saw. A Stihl .056.
I know, I know; lots of guys like to brag about the size or power of their saws. Just suffice it to say that my saw, having been rebuilt by a pro saw shop on Prince of Wales Island, had more than the average saw's power and decibel out-put.
That was also the year that we acquired a lot N.W. of Fairbanks, and my wife acquired her first chainsaw.
From that day on, no tree was safe. If there was even a small chance that a tree was in the way of a given project, the tree died. Gardens, raspberry bushes, playground equipment, or imported hedges; all of those things brought death to individual problematic or poorly-adjusted trees, without remorse or mercy.
The power of the saw has grabbed many a man and woman alike, and changed them forever. I tell