Letter to the Editor
Good people
Published Tuesday, April 8, 2008
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To the editor:
I was caretaking my daughter’s house and dogs for the month of March, just north of Fairbanks.
I wanted the people of Fairbanks to know how wonderful I think they are and how helpful and friendly! From the man at the Airport Post Office who cheerfully helped me haul my drop bags up on the counter with a “chivalry is not dead” comment to the check out lady at Fred Meyer who was so helpful and nice, the guys who loaded dog food bags at Coldspot, the guys who helped us break down dog crates at Frontier Air, to the wonderful cab driver who took my way heavy bags all the way into the ticket counter and set them up for me, and then when I gave him a tip said, ... “are you sure?” I am indebted.
I have always known you are a wonderful city, but I want you to know you’re a wonderful city! Thanks!
Community Discussion
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I think I speak for all of Fairbanks when I say, “Thanks’ but it was really nothing”.
Especially since I didn’t do any of that nice stuff you were writing about. Seriously though, it sure is nice to hear someone with positive comments about our town.
I see comments like this all the time. Maybe its me, but Ive never felt this way about Fairbanksans as a whole. Im not trying to make a joke here. I had to sleep in my car for 4 nights a few years ago in january, because none of my "friends" wanted to "get involved" in my lack of money. One person let my cat stay with him while I stayed in my car. He didnt want to "give the wrong impression" to his friends. Im glad that period in my life is over. I promise never to do that to any of my friends.
Maybe you just have crappy friends
There's a difference between hauling bags for someone for a brief amount of time and letting someone crash on your sofa indefinitely because they're not making ends meet. I'll hold the door for someone, carry bags, pick up things someone has dropped, etc... in a heartbeat, but I'm going to think long and hard before I let someone (and their cat) move in with me. Comparing what the letter writer is speaking about to not having friends to take you in is a flawed comparison.
Well honeyhi, I'd have to agree that you seem to have some pretty crappy friends.
Just a few weeks ago, we let someone crash in our spare room because she was sleeping in her car.
Currently, I've got a friend staying with me until he can get back on his feet.
And, yep, I hold doors, haul bags, smile and wave at neighbors (or anyone), tell people when they've dropped money, and all that other chivalrous type stuff.
Surprised at that from an Atheist? You shouldn't be...
Perhaps you should take responsibility for your choices that lead you to sleep in your car and stop blaming your "friends".
Life is ALL ABOUT CHOICES Ruff_Start.. honeyhi's friends didn't put him/her in their "lack of money" situation. I was merely pointing that out.
newsreader--I am a little suprised to hear that you open doors, haul bags, smile and wave at neighbors when you don't have the decency to brush the snow off your car to keep others safer on the roads!
I do have to agree that as a whole Fairbankians are very considerate folks. It is nice to live here just for that matter.
banks907 --
Did it occur to you that maybe her friends were responsible?
For instance, take the case of the person that slept over a few weeks ago.
When she went home, her stuff was on the front lawn. Her roommates decided to take her abusive ex-boyfriend's side in the dispute and kicked her out with out warning. Since she was supposed to be going to live with another friend (out of state), she was not working at the time. And, it turns out that this out of state friend never sent her the plane ticket he promised. So, friends kicked her out on the street and another friend falsely enticed her to remain unemployed while waiting for a plane ticket to be sent. Thus, she found herself homeless and nearly penniless due to HER FRIEND'S ACTIONS.
Could she have chosen not to be kicked out? NO.
Could she have chosen to get a job for a few days while waiting for her plane ticket? NO. [Who would hire someone who's leaving state in a few short days?]
I suppose you could say that she should have chosen not to trust anyone. But, beyond that, she did not actively "choose" to put herself in the situation she ended up in...
And, yes, life is all about choices. Like the choice to help out friends and fellow citizens in need. Or, the choice to stick up your nose and blame the less fortunate for their rotten luck.
Thanks for everyones comments to me and also the original letter. I had been robbed (years ago, by one of Fairbanks finest citizens *NOT*), coincidentally at the same time as I was getting ready to move in to my new apartment (which was being prepared/cleaned for my arrival). I had a 4 day timeframe to spend somewhere with no money leftover. Back to the original letter of Fairbanksans being friendly and whatnot, I seriously dont see it even today. Maybe Im missing something. I know for me personally, I try to be the friend that you want to have and give what I can to help out. When I was pregnant, people looked at my belly, but no one opened a door for me that I recall, or helped me with a package. I do remember trying to walk my dog while I was pregnant and getting half way run over by a bicyclist (an adult!) who did not apologize. I dont know, maybe I should look around more closely and try and see it. ALL the time I read about it, but dont see it.
lagirl - You still carrying that axe around with you? You should learn to let things go. It'll increase your blood pressure and make you bitter holding grudges like that!
*grin*
newsreader- don't flatter yourself- no one is getting high blood pressure over u, but you left the door open! :)
I suppose that I did. ;)
Probably not the nicest town, but nice for its size. People on the whole are decent (minus your everyday run-in with hooligans or the smoke gauntlet outside stores). I fear what tourists think of us looking out from the Marriot onto 2 St. or towards the river and park. The ideas they must have of us based on our downtown. But that's alright, we like it dirty in Gold-town! I have found that Fairbanksans are accomodating; stopping for car breakdown even in summer, smiling, please and thank you's, and the man's chin-up-what's-up-nod is easy to find. But, for a town this small we sure do have a lot of rude drivers. Like Anchorage, people are starting to think they are big time... just because we have a Walmart? The nicest drivers are on Oahu. Maybe it is a cultural thing or respect for all the tourist revenue (an idea, perhaps).
newsreader: So, this woman you described above has absolutely _no_ savings and was relying on other people for her survival? Does she have some manner of mental issue that requires community or family support and/or care? If so, I completely understand.
However, from what you've described, that's not the case. How is it that she failed to recognize that not providing for herself allowed her to get into that position? What has happened to personal fiscal responsibility?
How do adults live like this?
Oh, wait, this was an adult, right? Not a 16 year old.
Right?
*seriously*baffled*
Like I said Honeyhi, you have crappy friends. If your version of the events is true,and none of them helped you out, they are not your friends. I would suggest a new crowd.
I have to agree with tundrabunny tho, the letter refers to common courtesy so you're "woe is me, I have crappy friends" argument is moot. For the record, however, I have found myself in a similar situation. I chose not to burden my friends but instead decided to camp out in my car for a few nights, it was a great experience, actually.
I think in general the people of this town are usually very polite and helpful. Granted, you're gonna find buttheads where ever you go, thats just life. A trip down to the states will quickly confirm just how polite our locals are.
Honeyhi: Are you saying that you couldn't afford to spend 4 nights in a hotel? We're talking about $500, if you wanted to stay somewhere nice. Do you seriously not have $500 in an emergency, "oh-sh*t" fund? A savings account? A mason jar? Hell, even a credit card, rather than being pregnant and living in your car for a week...
If you have crappy friends, perhaps one should examine their own lives to discover why.
newsreader:
Sorry, I just can't let this one go.
You said: "Thus, she found herself homeless and nearly penniless due to HER FRIEND'S ACTIONS."
No.
No.
And no.
She found herself homeless and nearly penniless due to her gross negligence regarding her personal decisions, lack of fiscal responsibility, inability to accurately judge the character of others, and willful disregard to her surroundings.
That's her fault, not the fault of her friends.
What type of person relies on people to "send them" plane tickets? Who _are_ these people? Perhaps it's just me, but that sounds just one step about prostitution-- "I'll send you a plane ticket so you can come live with me."
What. The. Eff.
Wait, though. In retrospect, I don't want to know. Really, I'm comfortable not knowing that these type of people exist. Just another reason that I'm glad I live on this side of town.
Wow, It is nice to see that the old fairbanks can be found if you look for it. Personally, if I see anyone coming out the door with there hands full I open with a smile. Not because of articles like this but becuase my momma taught me that was the right thing to do. honeyhi- regardless of how you got in that situation, your fault someone elses, it wouldnt matter. As a friend I would open the door regardless, as a friend you could also expect the biggest ration of crap for letting it get to there and it would be in fun, because you where a friend. People that pass judgment before seeing the big picture suck, remindes me of that George Thurogood song, "I dont know man, my wife is kinda funny like that" "Yeah, everybody funny, now you funny too."
sdoownek --
You know, I totally understand where you are coming from. If she was in her 30s, I would agree with you.
However, she is 19. She was pregnant with the "out of state" friend's baby (who's around a decade older than her). Her parents kicked her out of the house when she was 16 and she's been "getting by" (barely) since then.
Sorry, I guess I'm a bleeding heart like that sometimes - I make exceptions in my intolerance for certain special circumstances - especially for young woman who are or have been abused.
500 to spare?? MANY people do not have 5 dollars to spare!! You are an ungrateful individual to say the things you have said to not only Honeyhi, but to many people in our fair city. I am glad I do not know you, nor would I want to know anyone like you. I wish our fair city were not populated with anyone that feels the same as you do. All I can say is WORST WISHES!!
Thank you Pat from N.D. and your welcome.
@newsreader: Gotcha. Totally understand what you're talking about now. While she is ultimately responsible for her own actions, perhaps it would be fair to say that her parents, who bailed on their job of raising a responsible adult, are also somewhat responsible. That's sad.
@yukonjohn: What are you talking about? Why did that make you so upset? Again, for the second time tonight, I wonder if perhaps my perception is off. I just find it amazing that people don't save money. I always assumed (sic) that one should "pay yourself first". Who doesn't have savings? If you don't have $5 to "spare", I might suggest that one should examine the difference between "wants" and "needs".
Are there really that many people that live paycheck to paycheck? It might be definitional--but it's my opinion that a fiscally responsible adult *needs* to have (at the very least) a couple thousand dollars set aside for emergencies. Do whatever it takes to accomplish this; don't smoke, don't eat out, don't drink (at a bar), don't consume for the sake of consuming, don't floor your F350 at every stoplight, sell the material *crap* that you own that clutters up your front yard.
I'm sorry if that opinion makes you think poorly of me.
I usually do not comment but sdoownek you live in Egypt along the river denial. I am a responsible adult with a family and have not had to rely on friends or family to take care of my daily needs but I am grateful that when my daughter become seriousily ill (unexepected) and had to be sent to Anchorage that the kind loving people of this city helped out because I had 5 others at home, family on the east coast and a husband trying to support his family with a job outside this city. When we left active duty military we had your dream savings plan but real life tore through that in months and we were left with six kids, (three of whom have had serious life threatening illness) a repossesd vehichle, (paying for fuel and medicine and medical bills) barely hanging on to our home and torn marriage with no savings. But I persvered and stayed because of the kindness shown to me when life throw a curve. I hope for your sake you have someone to call when it happens to you. You know what is said about "the best laid plans.."
sdoownek- to answer your question about people and savings: YES! There are that many families around the country and our state that are only two paychecks away from financial failure. "Pay yourself first" "save $5 a day" "wants vs needs" everything you said is part of a class curriculum that is offered through the FDIC Money smart class, glad to know that you have either heard it or studied it. What that class doesnt teach though is a thing called Tyrany of the Moment. There are people that have things outside of there control that have a direct affect on there financial life, causing problems in every other part of there life. There is cyclical poverty and short term poverty; cyclical is when it is poverty through generations (mom and dad are poor and the kids have to drop out of school to work for the families well being) and short term is people that dont hold a crystal ball and either make poor decisions that take time to correct of they just couldnt control what happened. The reason the second of those has 'tyrnany of the moment' is because all the people that try to impose middle class values on a situation dont really understand what it takes in poverty to survive or even understand what they are going through. Oh your broke, well you should have saved or you should have gone to school and got a better education or you have bad friends so go get new ones. If you have never been broke then you are imposing fixes from your middle class set of values that DO NOT apply to people in those situations and you need to actually learn a little more about understanding different financial classes and what it takes to get out of these cycles of economics. The answers you offered are valid but they are not the answers that apply to all situations and the general lack of understanding is part of the problem that causes these issues. Three steps that apply to all walks of life and success are: listen, pay attention and follow through. Listen to what is really being said, pay attention because you might have to read between the lines (not everyone speaks directly) and if you make a plan or say you will do something, then follow through and do it. the first step though is actually listening.
If you think that i am wrong about that, then today, go to five people that you know and ask them to spell the word STOP out loud to you. Once they have, ask them what you do at a green light. when they say STOP, you will get an idea of what i mean.
sdoonek, I make a very decent living. My girlfriend works a part time job. She has a son, a mid teen. We live in a very modest, albeit nice, log house. I drive a 1992 fuel efficient car that is paid for. We do own some property out of town, but it is very modest as well. We are letting a couple live in it because they are down and out and they are taking care of it for us. They pay the electric but otherwise we do not charge them because of their age and ability to pay right now. WE ARE STRUGGLING!! We pay our bills and eat well, but there are NO FRILLS at our house! I make almost 30 bucks an hour too!! I am happy for you that you are so comfortable in your life, but trust me, there are people out there that are HURTING!! Many through no fault of their own except for living. You are in a different world than them. Also, my girlfriend says that to also point out that we do not use credit cards, do not take vacations, do not have stuff cluttering our yard except some wood, because we cant afford fuel oil, and we live VERY basically!!