Letter to the Editor
Rude treatment
Published Saturday, March 29, 2008
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To the editor:
I would like to address the disrespectful and downright rude treatment of persons with disabilities by the Fairbanks community.
I am a mother of a daughter who is confined to a wheelchair at the present time. During a trip to Fred Meyer, my daughter — who is in a child-sized wheelchair just as high as a normal one — was sitting on one side of the aisle while I was looking for something. While I was looking, I looked up in horror as I saw a woman hit my daughter’s wheelchair with her cart, and my daughter went flying down the aisle, coming to stop at the other end of the aisle.
When I made eye contact with this woman, did she say, “I’m sorry?” No. Did she apologize? No. When I asked her if she had anything to say she stated to me that my daughter shouldn’t have been sitting there. When I asked her to apologize to her, she told me she will not apologize to a little retarded girl, and pushed her cart away without saying another word.
My daughter was not hurt, as a matter of fact she found it funny. I, on the other hand, was mortified. My daughter is a human being just like everyone else, and as a matter of fact is very smart, and knows exactly what is going on around her, she was just born with a neural tube defect and therefore needs assistance with being ambulatory.
I just would like to bring to everyone’s attention, that we all need to be more conscious of our surroundings, and also to please be aware of how your actions may affect someone else. I hope that if the woman who did the unspeakable to my daughter is more conscious in the future and will possibly learn to apologize when she harms someone in some way. I know my daughter has already learned this and could probably teach this woman a thing or two.
Community Discussion
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It is a shame people like the above woman live among us. Too bad Fred Meyers ca't release the security video, which I am sure they have. So we could broadcast this rude person to the whole city so we could all recognize her and greet her appropriately.
I am sooo sorry that this happened to you and your daughter. Please do not base the Fairbanks community on this one rude person. I have never lived in a more caring community then here.
I am sure that if someone else had seen this, they would have given her a talking to as would I have. She NEEDS to have her thinking adjusted.
Please take care.
I am by no means excusing her actions, but did you stop to consider that the woman with the cart may have a disability herself? The disabled are not all in wheelchairs.
Security video is for security, not to propagate rudeness.
"Im ususally Right" I did not stop to think that the woman was also disabled. Being I work with disabled adults, and this woman was just RUDE. Thank you though, for not excusing her actions. I am aware that not all disabled people are in wheelchairs, but thank you for pointing out the obvious. I also dont beleive that a disabled person who call onther one retarted, being they would know how hurtful that can be. Just a thought.
Sheep, I too work with disabled adults and have many times seen information processing problems, poor impulse control, anger management issues and name calling--- all stemming from a disability.
Cool, we will have to agree to disagree with this one then. You can not change the way I feel and I am not trying to change the way you do. My children are my world and when someone wrongs them, I try to take the nessicary steps to right that wrong. Have a blessed day.
This is very sad. Why are people so rude? I don't get it. Rest assured that I would have apologized profusely (or more likely, it never would've happened - I'm far more thoughtful and cautious than that).
Just one more reason for me to get the T-shirt that says
"Losing Faith in Humanity One Person at a Time"
I like the T-shirt! I am appalled at the behavior of a grown woman treating a child that way-whether she was disabled or not. No one deserves to be treated like that.
I believe that "manners" are a thing of the past. I don't hear very many parents teaching their children to say "excuse me, please, thank you, etc." in public. It is becoming a "Me, Me, Me" world.
people in wheelchairs arent retarded! they are disabled! they have brains you know!!!
What a shame; the treatment you and your daughter received was nasty and disrespectful. Some people are ridiculously uncouth. I hope this doesn't occur often for you, or anyone else, especially in our town. Since that woman didn't apologize to you, I'll apologize for her. I'm sorry.
Goldstreamer, I agree. Manners are definitely ceasing to exist in our society. It appalls me to see how many people behave to others. I have actually taken to thanking parents who I see encouraging pleasant, polite behavior.
I am heartened to see that Ms. P. (the letter writer) is raising her daughter to have a sense of humor & good attitude. That will automatically put her daughter well ahead in life of such people like the rude woman at the store.
Brynn I am so sorry for what your daughter and you experienced. There is no excuse for that behavior at all!!! I do however have to agree with those that want you to know that is not the way most people in the Fairbanks community and Alaska as a whole feel and or react to persons with disabilities!
Imusually…... A person with a disability, mental or otherwise, would not have made a reference to someone being retarded. People that have a disability are very sensitive to “name calling” and so would not do it to someone else. Yes I am very aware of impulse control issues and so on with some behavior/mental disabilities, but that type of thing is usually in response to someone provoking them. The woman in question did the provoking when she ran into a person in a wheel chair. The person that does have so much trouble controlling their impulses to the point of hurting another person should not be out in the store to begin with! Keeping in mind…this little girl could have been seriously hurt. A disability does not give you a free pass to behave however you want with no consequences.
I am VERY involved in working with disability issues and there is a very large movement that is working to replace those offensive descriptions, like retarded, with less offensive words both in print and in conversation. People First language is very important when we refer to people, disabled or not. That woman was obviously just plain rude and should be called on her behavior.
BTW….Brynn I too have a beautiful child (6) in a wheel chair and when I read your post I cannot even describe the feelings I had. Thank you for posting and exposing this woman. Hopefully she will have a chance to read these posts and realize how wrong she was.
"People that have a disability are very sensitive to “name calling” and so would not do it to someone else."
I'm always amazed when people profess to know what's inside of someone else's mind.
...and talk about a broad brush.
I do not profess to know what other people think in any way shape or form. But....I do interact with many people with all types of disabilities from all over the state and all over the country, on a constant basis and have been very involved for 5 years now. So to some degree I have a pretty clear grasp on the subject. From my observation and in talking to people with disabilities that is the consensus. Now of course there is always going to be someone that is different but GENERALLY speaking, people with disabilities are more sensitive to other people’s feelings because of the fact that they themselves have many times experienced the ignorance of people like the woman of this discussion.
But as I stated before……if someone is really that out of control then they need strict controls placed on them.
Nevertheless….just to be clear…..I cannot read another person’s mind. Nor do I know everything! But…I do have some experience that gives me somewhat more than an opinion on the subject, keeping in mind that there is ALWAYS the exception.
To assume that a person with (any kind of) disability does not have a bad day, react to stress, show frustration, and should go around acting sweet and innocent all of the time is really a disservice. People are people and we are all capable and guilty of bad behavior-- just as we are all capable of doing wonderful things.
Assuming that someone with a disability should act a certain way seems the same as assuming that disabled people cannot be successfully employed, live independent lives, contrubute to their community, experience a full range of emotions, and make good decisions for themselves and their families.
I guess we could all stand to look at people as individuals, not groups.
Running into someone with a cart and calling them a retard is not a person having a bad day!!!! That is just a rude person no matter how you slice it. Yes a person could have a bad day and accidently bump into a person in a wheel chair by not paying attention but her response was nothing but rude!!!
I am not assuming that ANYONE disabled or not should act a certain way other than the fact that I expect them to follow the rules of basic decency. Those that choose not to do so deserve to be dealt with accordingly. In this case…..shame on her. Everyone is an individual but there are rules of society that are expected of everyone. Inappropriate behavior is inappropriate no matter what.
How you could jump to the conclusion that anything I said was comparable to me assuming that disabled people cannot be successfully employed, live independent lives, contribute to their community, experience a full range of emotions, and make good decisions for themselves and their families....Is COMPLETELY ridiculous!!! Nothing I said even suggested that!!!! And….I do not believe that in any way!!!!!! In fact a big part of the work it do is to promote people with disabilities to live full and productive lives in every respect!!!
Those of us that live the life do know what it is like and our feelings are more than just an opinion….it is our life!!!
This just plain saddens me. Even if the woman were having a bad day, she would have to have been quite an unlikable person in the first place. I'm sorry to the mother who had to watch her child be treated this way. It's always hardest for the parents to see maltreatment of someone they try so hard to protect. After reading this story, I will try to promote good manners and proper behavior towards others. I will stick up for people more often than I already do. :)
Rudeness is a daily occurance. People seem to have forgotten that we are all in this thing together. There are many times I'd loved to have smashed a rude person over the head with something really hard, but that's not going to solve the problem.
However, I would have called the store manager and filed a complaint or harassment with the police.
There is no excuse for such behavior.
AKmother: Perhaps I should have said that assuming someone act a certain was is AS BAD AS assuming.... I just see that you don't fully understand the circumstances behind this story (none of us does) and have jumped to some conclusions yourself. AGAIN, I am not excusing the behavior of the reckless and horrible cart lady. I am just trying to understand it.
IMR theres nothing to understand. Cart lady is a rude nasty person and doesn't deserve to be in the same store with the child. How beautiful the child is to laugh it off. Sounds to me like she has a wonderful parent to bring her up that way. I too would like to appoligize to the little girl for the way she was treated. Sweety don't ever let anyone treat you as an inferior you are awesome.
P.S. Cart lady you make me sick!
Thank you Frodo!! I agree that there is NOTHING to understand and no excuse. I also agree that a complaint would not be out of order because that child could have been seriously hurt. The charge of Child Endangerment comes to mind. If the chair would have caught on something she could have been thrown forward, hit the floor, or any number of things in a store, that could have seriously hurt her. Thank God she was not injured and I too commend the parents for her attitude.
PS.....I just read this story to two of my older children (15 & 18) and they could not believe what they heard. They both said that it would have taken everything in them to keep from decking her. Although....they have been raised to know that you don't hit people to solve problems but the protective instinct is still very strong and although their moral upbringing would have kept them from decking her....they sure would have felt like it!!!
I don't believe in the word retarded. Many whom are referred to as such are actually more intelligent than the rest of us. The people who don't understand people with disabilities are the handicapped.
I had an uncle that ran a entire farm from his wheel chair and an aunt that was diagnosed with a mental handicapped. To me they were both heros and geniuses.
Brynn,
I am glad that your daughter thought the situation was funny. I had tears in my eyes when I read her story. And yes; chances are, your daughter could teach this person a few things about kindness. Kindness doesn't cost a thing, but for some people, you'd think it was the last drop of water in the desert.
I was stepped on and then verbally accosted by a dingbat in the women's room at Fred Meyer (perhaps the same dingbat you experienced?) As the door was closing, my two year old pointed out that the woman was RUDE. When we walked out of the restroom, the woman continued to say obscenities...in front of my child! It's a good thing I had to model good behavior ... otherwise, the temptation may have been too much for me...
Some people are just clods, but they don't represent all of us. I'm not even sure how I would have reacted if I had been there when this happened, but you wouldn't have been alone!
~Blessings.
AMEN to that AKstoryteller!!!
You can leave the understanding to me, then. It seems as though I have more practice.
Wow! People never cease to amaze me. It is truely disgusting. When my son was about 1yr old, I was using simple sign language with him as he was learing how to talk. A lady stopped me in an asile at Fred's and said she was so sorry that my son was deaf. When I told her he wasnt, she started telling me I should be ashamed of myself treating a child like they were deaf. I was so shocked I had to walk away. Ignorance makes people do and say such horrible things. I am so sorry that there are people like cartlady contaminating the goodness of Fairbanks!
Understanding or not.. point is, her child was mistreated... you would feel the same indignities as she is if it had happened to one of yours. Arguing about who understands the other persons mind or who has more experince dealing with certain individuals, isn't going to change an opinion as to who IS right or wrong. THE CHILD WAS WRONGED NO ONE ELSE, and she LAUGHED. Which to me, makes it all the sadder that this even happened.
I also send out my apology to your child. I hope she continues to live a wonderful, love filled life.
I just want to add that I too am disgusted by the attitudes and behaviors of people in Fairbanks. To Usually Right...judging by the screen name you are one of these people...
But that woman does not have a disability...the only thing that she and you and all the others like you suffer from is total igoranace. Take your heads out of your "you know whats" get over yourselves and start treating the people around you a little nicer. Smile at a stran