newsminer.com

I was excited to hear when fellow News-Miner columnist Theresa Bakker was planning to write last year about what she considered to be one of the best soundtrack albums of all time. “Wow,” was my reaction upon hearing of her topic. “Theresa is going to write about the soundtrack to ‘Footloose’?”

Imagine my surprise (and to be honest with you Theresa, anger and disappointment) when that album turned out to be the soundtrack to the John Hughes movie “Pretty in Pink.” I won’t say anymore about her selection because we all have our opinions and we are entitled to them, even if they turn out to be really, really wrong.

Because, like, fer sure! How can someone overlook an album where each song is meant to bring to life the plight of poor, repressed, rhythm impaired Midwestern youth who are fighting the evil preacher John Lithgow for their rights to dance like there is no tomorrow? To those of you who turn your noses at this album, I quote from the movie Kevin Bacon’s character Ren, who exclaimed “Jump back!” whenever something remarkable happened.

The “Footloose” soundtrack begins, rather boldly, with a song that is actually called “Footloose.” I don’t know if the producer of the album was aware of the irony of this selection, but it was ingenious. The song was by Mr. Soundtrack himself, Kenny Loggins, whose majestic compositions can be found headlining such soundtracks as “Caddyshack,” “Top Gun,” and “Songs from the Tigger Movie and the Many Adventures.”

A lot of songs wait until the midway point to hit the listener with drop-dead awesome lyrics but Loggins goes for the knockout from the very start:

“I been working so hard

Keep punching my card

Eight hours, for what?

Oh, tell me what I got”

The first time I heard the song “Footloose” I was convinced that Loggins would never pen such amazing lyrics again. I changed my tune two years later when the “Top Gun” soundtrack came out and Loggins rose to the top once again with the following lyrics from “Playing With the Boys.”

“Playing, playing with the boys

Playing, playing with the boys

After chasing sunsets

One of life's simple joys

Is playing with the boys”

If you listen to that song without seeing the movie, it would be easy to draw inaccurate conclusions of what exactly Loggins means by “Playing With the Boys,” so let me clarify. It’s about Tom Cruise and Anthony Edwards playing beach volleyball against Val Kilmer and Rick Rossovich. With their shirts off. Getting sweaty.

Back to “Footloose.”

And, back to the boys. This time it is the poppy hit by R & B singer Deniece Williams entitled “Let’s Hear it for the Boy.” The song is about a girl who is in love with a boy, who, by her accounts, is illiterate, mute, a lousy dresser, dirt-poor and “don’t score at bowl-a-rama.” His appeal sounds questionable until you realize after seeing the movie that the “boy” is Chris Penn. The song plays in the background of a scene where Bacon teaches Penn to dance. I’ve talked to people who have seen the movie who claimed that Bacon was successful in his teachings, but those people were illiterate, mute, lousy dressers, and dirt poor.

When you think of the hero that Bonnie Tyler sings about in the song “Holding Out For a Hero,” one thinks of brave souls such as firemen, soldiers or police officers. The song is actually a reference to another brave soul, the heroic farm boy who risks his life participating in a tractor chicken contest. Those of us who remember that scene will recall an important safety tip that was learned, and that is when you are participating in a tractor chicken contest, it is important to make sure the laces on your Converses are tied.

Another gem is the song “Never” by Moving Pictures, which is made all that much better when you watch Bacon dance (?) to it in a fit of rage in an abandoned warehouse (check out http://youtube.com/watch?v=yX38dNneIiU if you don’t believe me, and brace yourself for some sweet ballet, Bacon style!).

If you don’t own the soundtrack, I recommend buying the 15th anniversary edition which features bonus tracks, including the Quiet Riot hit “Bang Your Head (Metal Health).” This song was playing in Ren’s (Bacon) VW Bug when he was quizzing Willard (Penn) on his knowledge of current music, and featured the following dialogue.

Ren: You like Men At Work?

Willard: What men?

Ren: Men at work.

Willard: Well where do they work?

Ren: No, they're a music group.

Willard: Well what do they call themselves?

Ren: Oh no! What about the Police?

Willard: What about 'em?

Ren: You ever heard them?

Willard: No, but I seen them.

Ren: Where, in concert?

Willard: No, behind you.

Who knew that Mamet wrote the script to “Footloose”? I sure didn’t.

Sorry Theresa. I think my readers will agree that “Footloose” is far more superior of an album than your mopey “Pretty in Pink” soundtrack. But don’t despair. I hear Hollywood has plans for a combined remake of the two movies entitled “Pretty in Footloose Pink.” There’s apparently going to be a scene where Kevin Bacon plays chicken tractor with Andrew McCarthy that sounds golden, with a duet by Kenny Loggins and Morrisey playing in the background. Jump back, Duckie!