newsminer.com

ALBANY, N.Y. — The loaf of Amish friendship bread your co-worker brought to work tasted most excellent, so you complimented the chef.

Big mistake.

The following morning you arrived at work to discover a large Ziploc bag of bile-colored goo slouching on your desk. Along with it, a sheet of paper filled, top to bottom, with detailed instructions on how to care for and cultivate the goo, destined to sit and sour on your counter for 10 days as you take turns mushing it, ignoring it, squeezing out built-up-fumes and adding various ingredients — milk, sugar, flour — before the final baking.

The instructions were written in a stern and foreboding language that might be fitting if you were, say, dismantling a bomb for the first time: Do NOT use metal bowls or spoons. Do NOT freeze. Be sure to pass along three Baggies of starter when you’re done baking. Or else.

(OK, so we made up the “or else” part, but — trust us — it is implied.)

“This is the chain letter of food,” said Linda Picarazzi, a baker who lives in South Bethlehem, N.Y. “This stuff requires daily care. So don’t even think about going away for the weekend.”

Such is the parenting of Amish friendship bread.

When it comes to this sweet, dense dessert bread, philosophies for (and emotions about) its creation — and the long-term maintenance and proliferation of the starter goo — are as varied as the gems in a fruit cake.

A few things, however, are beyond debate: The final product is goo-licious goodness, ringing in at hundreds of calories a slice (depending on the exact recipe).

“Yes, the finished product is delicious, if you can bring yourself to eat something that’s been festering on your kitchen counter all week,” said Picarazzi.

But of course it tastes good. It’s a concoction of sugar, oil, cinnamon, eggs, vanilla and more sugar. It tastes like a pound cake would taste, if you spent a week force-feeding it coffee cake.

“I love Amish friendship bread, and for the life of me I don’t understand what the big problem is with other people,” said baker Gail Carson. “When I get a bag handed to me I’m thrilled to death anticipating that delicious bread.”

The problems start when it’s time for Carson to pass on her starter.

“When it’s time to share it with my friends, they either accept it and never follow through or they say, ‘Oh thanks, but I just don’t have time to do it,”” said Carson, who passes along her starter in a Baggie, rather than a plastic bowl.

“‘Don’t have time?’ I say: ‘What’s so hard? For 10 days all you’re doing is kneading it, as it’s even simpler than (God forbid) mixing it in a bowl!’”

A few years back, Valerie Peters and her friends started a friendship bread circle. The friendships stuck, but as for the extra starters generated? Trash can.

The friendly-or-not truth is that “friendship bread starter” brings with it some work, and responsibility.

“Friends flee when they see you coming at them with the bags of batter,” said Deb Adler of Delmar, N.Y.

Yet this low-tech, high-maintenance lollygagger (10 days, for bread!?!?) has somehow managed to stick around in our era of instant everything, a thriving throwback to our grandparents’ and their grandparents’ era.

Maybe it’s the history that has helped it hang on. The mythology bubbles deep and wide. Its proper care is debated, as are its origins. One would assume it came from the Amish, but some say no.

In her time as a baker, 63-year-old Marcia Carlson of Watervliet, N.Y., has seen the friendship bread fad run in cycles.

“I did it about 20 years ago,” said Carlson. “This is a new generation, so everyone’s excited to get it. Everyone’s wanting one because it’s new. Now, it’s a novelty, but people are going to get sick of it, and it’s going to wear out.”

The questions and the theories don’t stop there, however.

What about that starter? Since it allegedly can’t be created from scratch, did it all come from a single starter — an Adam and Eve starter — at the dawn of culinary time? Perhaps this explains the pressure to pass along its DNA.

Adler worries what could befall those who fail to find homes for their leftover starter. “What dire thing happens if you don’t give away those three Baggies? I’ve always assumed some dreadful bad luck would follow the friendless person for a very, very long time.”

Adler, who was left with three bags of starter after a recent baking session, didn’t want to put the curse to the test. “I just couldn’t face calling everyone in the neighborhood.” Luckily, and in a timely manner, she found acquaintances too polite to turn her offer down.

Since instructions warn bakers to keep a bag of starter for themselves (since it allegedly can’t be made from scratch), and that freezing’s a no-no, law-abiding friendship bread bakers are therefore condemned to an seemingly endless cycle.

Susan Ostrow, 84, of Clifton Park, N.Y., has baked bread using the same starter for almost 13 years, since she received a bag of it from an acquaintance at her senior center. (“I don’t know where that starter came from, or how long it had been passed down before it reached me,” she said.)

Each year, she makes and gives away between 40 and 50 loaves. Which leaves her with, oh, lots of leftover starter. Some she gives away. With others, she does the verboten: She (gasp!) freezes it.

“One time, I said I’m going to take a chance. I froze them,” Ostrow said. “Everytime I took one out, it’s like I just made it. It’s bubbling and everything.”

(Blasphemously!) Ostrow also believes that, with the right tweaking, it’s possible to create the starter from scratch.

“I almost had it: A cup of flour, cup of milk and cup of sugar, I used 2-percent milk and I think you have to use the regular milk,” Ostrow said.

Ultimately, the friendship bread conundrum might simply be one of laziness.

“People want the friendship cake, they just don’t want to make it,” Ostrow said.

FRIENDSHIP BREAD STARTER

From Cookingcache.com; the success of this recipe is much debated, so make at your own risk. Other starter recipes are available on the internet.

1 cup sugar

1 cup flour

1 cup milk

Put in glass bowl or jar or large resealable bag; stir or smoosh until well blended. Let stand at room temp for 5 days, stirring or smooshing each day.

On Day 6 add another 1 cup sugar, 1 cup flour, and 1 cup milk; stir or smoosh until blended.

Let stand at room temp for 4 more days, stirring or smooshing each day.

On Day 10 you should have enough for 3 (1-cup) starters to give away plus 1 to use for your recipe.

Feeding and care of starter

Start with 1 cup starter (see below for starter recipe) in a glass jar or resealable bag at room temperature. (Note: Do not refrigerate throughout entire recipe … it’s supposed to ferment, so don’t put your nose too close, either!)

Day 1: Do nothing.

Day 2: Do nothing.

Day 3: Put starter in glass or stoneware bowl (or large resealable bag); do not use metal bowls or spoons.

Day 4: Do nothing.

Day 5: Do nothing.

Day 6: To starter, add: 1 cup milk, 1 cup sugar, 1 cup flour, stir with wooden spoon (if in bag, smoosh and squish until mixed).

Day 7: Do nothing.

Day 8: Stir with wooden spoon (or smoosh and squish).

Day 9: Do nothing.

Day 10: Add: 1 cup milk, 1 cup sugar, 1 cup flour and stir well. Take 3 portions (1 cup each) and put into resealable bags or glass jars and give to friends with recipe.

FRIENDSHIP BREAD

Makes 2 loaves

From Cookingcache.com

Cinnamon-sugar mixture

1 cup starter

1 cup oil

1/2 cup milk

3 eggs

1 teaspoon vanilla

2 cups flour

1 cup sugar

1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

2 teaspoons cinnamon

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1 cup chopped nuts, optional

1 large or 2 small packages of instant vanilla pudding mix

On Day 10, heat oven to 350 degrees. Coat 2 large loaf pans with cooking spray and coat with cinnamon-sugar.

To 1 cup starter add oil, milk, eggs and vanilla. Stir well.

In separate bowl, combine flour, sugar, baking powder, cinnamon, salt, baking soda, nuts and pudding mix. Add flour mixture to wet mixture, stirring well with wooden spoon.

Pour batter into prepared pans. Sprinkle top of batter with cinnamon-sugar. Bake for 1 hour or until toothpick comes out clean.