You know it has been a bummer of a summer when ...
Published Thursday, July 31, 2008
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Stumble It!FAIRBANKS — If you blinked, you missed it.
I’m referring to “summer” in Fairbanks.
You remember summer, don’t you? There was this bright, round, yellow orb called the sun that used to come out, sometimes for days at a time instead of minutes.
We used to have to water our gardens and put sun block on our children. We wore short-sleeve shirts instead of polar fleece.
Summer is supposed to be the reward we in Fairbanks get for enduring winter. It is a brief respite from the dark and cold that envelopes us for more than half the year. It is escape from the snow, ice and ice fog. For two months of the year — OK, maybe three — we don’t have to worry about plugging in our vehicles, fetching firewood, stoking the woodstove, pushing snow, having our pipes freeze and dressing in layers.
Summer is the only thing that keeps some of us here. It is a light at the end of tunnel, so to speak. Six weeks of warm weather is enough to make up for six months of cold. A week in the sun is worth a month in the dark. All it takes is one 80-degree day to erase memories of all those 40-below nights.
This summer, though, has been cold, wet and dreary, and that’s being pretty generous, if you ask me.
You know it’s been a bummer of a summer when:
• You can’t remember the last time you watered your garden.
• You’ve already burned half the firewood supply you put up for the winter.
• You’ve worn long underwear more than you have worn shorts.
• You stop collecting rainwater because you run out of barrels, buckets and pails to put it in.
• You can actually keep up with your zucchini and the ones you’re picking are only the size of your finger, not your thigh.
• You don’t get any consolation out of the fact that Anchorage has had it worse than us.
• The firewood you cut, split and stacked back in May is wetter now than it was two months ago, even though it’s been under cover.
• You get excited when you see a break in the clouds.
• You have to wear chest waders to work in your garden.
• Instead of a Teva tan, you have an X-Tra Tuff tan.
• You find yourself missing the days when it was smoky in Fairbanks.
• You don’t have to go anywhere to take the dogs for a swim because the puddles in your driveway are big enough for them to fetch sticks in.
• You mention the possibility of going camping, and your wife and child threaten to leave you.
• You wear a personal flotation device when you go hiking.
• Instead of making your 9-year-old son take a bath, you just tell him to go outside and play for 10 minutes.
• You put some laundry out to dry on the clothesline three weeks ago, and it’s wetter now than it was then.
• You put floats on your mountain bike.
• You can’t remember what a cloud of dust looked like.
• The sun comes out as you’re driving down the road, and you stop and get out to watch it as if it were a spectacular display of northern lights.
• A float plane lands in your backyard.
• Your wife asks for rain gear for her birthday.
• You start shopping for hovercrafts instead of hybrid cars.
• You’re already sick of the rain and the Tanana Valley State Fair hasn’t even started.
• You’re actually looking forward to winter in July.
Contact News-Miner outdoors editor Tim Mowry at 459-7587 or tmowry@newsminer.com.
Community Discussion
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=D
I love Tim Mowry's columns. They are always so funny, and very, very true. My favorite has been reprinted by the running club north:
http://www.runningclubnorth.org/cld_timm...
My husband and I moved back to Fairbanks last fall after two years spent in Juneau. We were so excited to have a real summer with hardly any rain, sunshine every day, warm temperatures..
Juneau has followed us!! Sorry, everyone!! :)
Thanks for the link Arvay, that was great!
akjlo, it's all your fault! Darn you! :) And AKprincess72, you're welcome. Hilarious, isn't it?
As the Oregonians say " We don't tan--We rust!"
And then how about "Oh yeah-- My Dads flippers are bigger than YOUR Dads!"
We are in Fairbanks ---right?
And where's all the fireweed? Only seen a few here and there. But my raspberries are monsters! Summer where were you???
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